Pirate's Life

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Pirate's Life
Author Isaac Cooke
Genre Nonfictional Prose
Accessibility Common Knowledge


“Pirate’s Life” was written by Isaac Cooke, better known among pirates as No-Neck Izzy. This work documents the life of a pirate of his caliber, as well as various rules and punishments dealt out on his ship, The Nomad. He attempted to write this work in order to give himself a legacy, as he seemingly knew his time as a pirate would be coming to an end eventually. With little grace Isaac and his crew were blown out of the water in 280 AC,. He was captured in the wreckage and returned to the Holy City of Regalia to answer for his crimes. He, along with thirteen of his remaining crew, were charged with thirty-eight counts of piracy along with several other charges such as murder of state officials, destruction of state property, and so many other crimes that it took a half an hour to read out the crimes for each and every crew members. The crew was sentenced to death by hanging. Isaac was given the less merciful death, being sentenced to death by a thousand cuts. After a drawn out public display, Isaac’s infamous final words were, ‘I lived a Pirate’s Life’ before he succumbed to blood loss a half an hour later, after forty hours of public torture. His mutilated body was thrown into the ocean and eaten by sharks shortly after his death. His legacy survives in the works that he published, they are often found and used as inspiration for aspiring mariners that would grow up to be pirates or privateers.

Pirate’s Life

The day in the life of a pirate begins like any other, at the docks. As I write this, I am in my quarters aboard The Nomad, resting in my home port of Krayr. We are about to depart on a long journey and pillage several merchant ships before returning to the same port in which we came. It is the Captain’s responsibility to ensure proper stock of booze, food, and anything else that is on board the ship before departure. The lack of these items will cause low morale and mutiny, as I’ve seen on other boats in the past. Keeping your crew happy makes you a happier man, because that means more plunder for you to take from the thieving governments of the world.

After checking the food supply, you must check all the crewmates quarters and the boxes that are in the hold. A crew member may try to sneak a woman on board for his personal pleasure, but that is strictly forbidden as it is bad luck. Any man who tries will be marooned with little chance of survival. We live by a code that we all swore to the moment we created this crew. After doing all of the pre-departure checks I generally head into town and stock up my own quarters, just in case something goes sideways. The cannoneers alert me if I need gunpowder or cannons and we head off.

In the case of a pirate it is important to always keep the weight of your ship in mind, as well as the future weight of your ship. When you are not holding treasure, your ship is faster than when it is. Keeping this in perspective as you load your supplies is important, and I tend to always keep an approximate weight in mind when loading materials. After a long hard day of pre-departure checking, the crew heads to sleep as we are going to be up at dawn, sailing into the long, lonely sea in search of treasures beyond our wildest dreams.

On days such as these, ones where you depart from your home port, you must keep a watchful eye for any stowaways, as they are to be marooned and given a cutlass should they be found. In my case, I’ve never found any as my crew knows I deliver on my promises. We sailed for two whole days before arriving at our favorite trading route and changing course from west to north, which is where the ships come from. I raised my flag, a heart with two cutlasses behind them, and searched for our first mark.

It was three more days before I found a ship, we spent our time drinking at night and working during the day, attempting to find any morsel of treasure that we could. The scout in the crow’s nest spotted a light frigate in the distance and we attempted a pursuit. This particular frigate seemed to be loaded with material as we caught it in less than twenty minutes, while only going thirty knots an hour. Their left broadside cannons opened fire on us as soon as we were in range, and I knew that we were in for a fight.

The crew braced for impact, but luckily we used our luftkanones to divert our course so that all but one cannonball missed us, and the effect was negligible. My ship was quick to maneuver and we were behind them before they could even reload their cannons. My ship opened fire and the men prepared to board, arming their swords and shield. The boarding harpoons were primed previously to the fighting. We went to their other hull, the port side, and they had no cannons prepared, so we fired our boarding harpoons into their hull.

The men charged onwards once more, at my command, and stormed the Regalian merchant vessel. I boarded their ship, offering my first mate the chance to keep us out of harm’s way by steering our only ride home. I stormed the boat, ignoring the relative chaos that was going on, and searched for the Captain of the ship upon the deck, but found no such-looking person. I quickly searched the lower decks, which contained even more chaos as men battled with their cutlasses in confined spaces. After dodging a few missed swings I concluded that we needed to bring all survivors to the deck and ask for their leader. This is where it gets interesting.

Upon successfully overtaking the vessel and capturing twenty crew members, we asked kindly for the captain, his whereabouts, or himself to step forward. No one spoke. So we tied them to the mast and began to torture them each one by one. Eventually, a deckhand snapped and told me he was in the cargo hold’s secret locker.

With a sly grin I killed that man, he was a traitor. Then I set out to the bottom deck, where the cargo was being looted by my crewmates. I kicked the box that he told me that the Captain would be under and sure enough, it was fake. I descended the steps with caution, only to find the captain of this vessel hiding in the corner, with a knife, or something of the sort in his hand. I swiftly cut his throat, as customary.

This life has no glory, no respect, no love, but it does have rules and rewards. Most of us love that part. After looting and selling the goods from just that ship we made ten thousand regals and that was only after one looting. We returned home after that, satisfied with a good plunder.


  • Isaac Cooke’s execution was the longest public execution in Regalian history to date simply due to how many crimes he had committed, the Regalian Navy wanted to prove a point with his death.
  • The Regalian Navy actually saw an increase in unsanctioned ship activity following his execution. It is thought to be due to his execution actually inspiring more people to become pirates, rather than deter them.
  • Isaac’s Treasure remains hidden to this day, he only offered a single riddle in order to find it. It’s rumored that only someone who gives their lives to the ways of a pirate can find it.

Writers DrunkFailure
Processors Doc_Cantankerous, Kihle, Suzzie
Last Editor HydraLana on 08/23/2017.

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