Haurmann

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Haurmann
Harmann.png
Fauna
Official Name Haurmann.
Common Nicknames Annoying Eggman.
Classification Magus.
Habitat Captivity and Mountains of Regalia.
Domesticated No.
Current Status Uncommmon.

If there ever was a creature that deserved to die, it would be the Haurmann. Haurmann have no purpose in life other than to eat and annoy whomever they cross paths with. They resemble small walking eggs with horrific, almost balloon-like features on their faces, eyes that look like they could fall out of their sockets and crooked teeth that make one wonder how they can even consume anything. Haurmann are frequently the butt joke of comedy shows, and some particularly unentertaining bars or cafes have one behind the bar for cheap entertainment.

History

Not much is known where the Haurmann came from; whether they were even artificial or natural. Haurmann were first encountered in the early days of the Regalian Kingdom around 33 BC in the high mountains. Nobody truly knows how they arrived there or how many there were, nor does it seem their behavior has changed in the past 330 years. The first encounter was made by a farmer who had gone after his sheep that ran into the hills towards the mountain. Eventually the farmer heard the Haurmann mimicking the cries of the sheep (which it likely pushed off a cliff anyway), which caused the farmer to follow it deeper into the mountains. When the farmer did indeed find the Haurmann, it simply chose to follow him and mimic everything the farmer said but with a much higher pitched annoying voice. The farmer eventually killed it with a pitchfork, and more Haurmann have been seen around the mountains since then.

Most Haurmann currently only survive in captivity as the Regalian government has attempted to cull their populations quite a few times throughout history. Less than a thousand are presumed to be alive with less than a hundred out in the wilderness. Still, they seem to be in no threat of actually going extinct despite the amount of predators and human hatred these little creatures receive.

Physical Appearance

Haurmann resemble one foot long, walking eggs with tiny feet and arms. They wobble around but are surprisingly fast, being able to keep up with a running Human with a combination of tumbling and wobbling. The majority of their entire lower body is made up of a mouth with a massive tongue that usually sticks out, supported by rows of crooked yellow teeth. Their eyes are large, often bloodshot with small pupils that cannot possibly look forward. Their ears somewhat resemble those of Orcs and they usually have various scabs and crusts around their ears and behind. Their nose is almost non existent, assumed not even necessary for them since they always breathe with their mouth open.

Haurmann don’t seem to need sleep and never feel satiated with food. They will continue to consume food around them until either killed or locked up, or fascinated with a specific person. Haurmann have the uncanny trait to mimic anyone’s speech, their entire sentences upon the moment of completion. They do so in any language, with any accent to make a perfect imitation, with the exception that their pitch is higher and their voice often sounds naggy.

Diversity

They are relatively diverse compared to other creatures in that they come in a variety of dulled colors that seem hereditary. Haurmann don’t have a gender, and produce asexually, though many scholars have theorized they are actually some form of sentient plant as cross-pollination seems to occur when two Haurmann live closeby one another without trying to eat each other. For example, a red and a blue Haurmann produce a purple Haurmann offspring.

Life Span and Development

Haurmann seem to live impossibly long despite their horrible appetite. Most of them outlive their masters and some have even been recorded to live up to 150 years. When two Haurmann produce another Haurmann, whichever Haurmann carried the infant simply vomits it out on any random occasion. It will immediately be functional and even when denied food, grow to full maturity within 3 days.

Mental Overview

Haurmann seem to have very little intelligence. Some scholars would have reasoned these things have a complex understanding of language, though they simply seem to mimic sounds from whatever source they deem will feed them the most. That’s to say, if a Haurmann is given food from a child, it will continue to mimic that child’s sentences until another hands them a greater amount of food. Haurmann seem to be rather violent to one another, trying to eat each other by munching on their heads with little success. It is with great luck that Haurmann hate each other so much, and reproduce very little, as they would have the ability to overcrowd their homeland within a matter of years and drive everyone to insanity. Haurmann are usually hilariously stupid, engaging in grisly behavior including but not limited to: Self mutilation, self burning, self eating, death by falling, self dismemberment, and more.

Territory and Groupings

Haurmann don’t normally have a territory anymore, but generally speaking they consider a specific room “theirs”, though this is usually related to their owner or feeder being inside it. They do not seem to have any relation to one another and avoid other Haurmann if not outright attempting to eat them whenever they can.

Trivia

  • Haurmann are omnivores, meaning they will eat any prepared meat or vegetables in sight, and sometimes flowers. Somehow they seem able to understand through Humans what is edible and what is not, and avoid things that are not edible with the exception of spoons.
  • Haurmann somehow enjoy throwing rice into fires. When given any amount of rice, they will continue to throw hands full into a fire until it is all gone and then annoy anyone close by to get some more.
  • Haurmann are actually extremely dangerous to babies. A few Haurmann have been known to crawl into a baby’s room, pick up the baby and attempt to drag it into a fire or oven.

Accreditation
Writers MonMarty
Artists MonMarty
Processors 0romir, Jared4242
Last Editor The Shadow King3 on 01/25/2017.

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